"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
When I see myself or others stuck in our lives, I know there's some hidden unforgiveness somewhere. We all think not forgiving hurts the one who's wronged us, but it's simply not true. Unforgiveness keeps us stuck in every aspect of our lives, and also keeps us stuck to the object of our dislike.
There's no better way to stay bound and stuck to another and the past than through anger and resentment. There's no better way to move on, scary as that may be, than through forgiveness. It's sets us free. That doesn't mean we become doormats, but rather allows us to try again with that person and/or to move on to a new situation. It helps us to take responsibilty for our part in a problem.
For sure, forgiveness is a process, often involving anger, grief and despair. The trick is not to get stuck too long in any one emotion but to flow through and come to a point of acceptance and letting go. It brings freedom, wisdom and greater maturity.
Jesus taught it over and over again. He taught us to forgive seventy times seventy.
Forgiveness is not for the person we forgive, it's for us, the one who forgives. It allows us freedom to move on with our lives. Children who can't or won't forgive their parents, for whatever reason, stay forever adolescents who cannot move on ---personally, professionally, spiritually---until they do. The same goes for anyone who won't forgive.
Want to feel close to someone in a negative way? Then take up a gripe with them and not forgive them. It's sort of a negative way out of lonliness, but oh so destructive, and only creates more loneliness in the end.