Monday, April 23, 2007

Ambush Lobbying, Crow and David: If You See Them on the Towpath in D.C. Run For Your Life!

And if you can't run, walk. And if you can't walk, crawl, roll or squat and hide behind some duckweed.

The global warming nazis are back in town and want to make it perfectly clear: time's up for trying to sort it all out for yourself.

Just ask, you know, Darth Vader who was sitting at table 92 at the White House Correspondents dinner last weekend at the Washington Hilton. Minding his own business, Carl Rove was confronted by these two "influence peddlers" who, you know, wanted to strongly encourage him to rethink his stand on global warming, by cracky.

Let's see, from my days of lobbying and fundraising, I can't think of a less effective way of promoting my cause, whatever that cause might be, and it often involved conservation, than to totally alienate a person I wanted to influence by brow beating them.

Here's Sheryl Crow and Laurie David's quick formula for lobbying success: Winning by ambush and intimidation.

1. Know that you're right and everyone who doesn't agree with you is dumber than dirt.

2. Demand special and lavish treatment in the halls and walls where you work, perform, talk.

3. Don't bother to walk the walk, as you talk the talk.

4. Accost, confront, buttonhole, accuse, insult and finally walk away in disgust from someone you want to influence, leaving them in such a state of shock that they don't even want to see you face or hear your name again.

5. When all else fails, get a little physical with your ambushee who is rightfully trying to get away. That will surely seal the deal, one way or the other.

6. Go tell the world how utterly rude and hopeless that person, your ambush target, was--who was minding their own business--after you ganged up on him or her at an inappropriate time and place.

Next time, just to make sure you get your point across, bring red pepper spray, tie the infidel to his chair and pour red wine on his tux or down her decolletage.

Good luck, ladies. Like I say, if I see you on the towpath, I'll be hiding in the duckweed, with my red pepper spray at the ready.

Sen. Inhofe talks back and gets uppity. Nice going.

I'm sure glad I've had some time in D.C. during a Republican administration, cause if Hillary or Gore or Obama win, God forbid, this city won't even be fit to visit. I'm getting my licks in now, just for good measure.

Also, under the wish I'd written it department, Wesley Pruden of the Washington Times wrote a column in this morning's edition about the Crow/David/Rove incident. Don't miss it.


Pam said...

These people think they are gods! I never watch Oprah, but last week while surfing the TV for news, I stopped to see what she was pushing. Going Green was the theme and within a few minutes, a video played of Crow and David, showing off their 2nd hand eating utensils, and bus, etc. They ended their piece with David saying, "We are on this tour because we are afraid, we are so afraid!" I would hate to live in their world, but you know what, our little children are getting this fear pushed down their throats daily in public schools!

Jungle Mom said...

My personal favorite of Crow was the one square of TP! I wonder if she would approve of TP police? Or would it be a "don't ask, don't tell" policy as to whether you used only one or more? Ridiculous!