Tuesday, January 09, 2007

A New Question To Ask Your "Beloved" When the Dating Gets "Serious"

I'll admit that I don't read newspapers like I once did (and I'm a former newspaper reporter), with the exception of Investors Business Daily, IBD, which I peruse every day for financial and editorial content.

But in Atlanta last weekend, while having Sunday breakfast at the OK Cafe, I picked up the "Living" section of the Atlanta Journal Constitution and came across this conundrum in the "Dear Abby" column.

The following is, I suppose, a 21st Century problem and a sign of things to come. So without further ado, I give you the "woman" who poses a salient question to Dear Abby:

Dear Abby: My boyfriend of two years, Marc, has been talking a lot about marriage lately. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. There is, however, one fly in the ointment: I was born a biological male.

"I have never felt like a man, Abby, and lived as a woman since high school. Then when I was 25, I underwent surgery to change my sex. I have never regretted my decision and up to now, my family has been supportive.

"But recently my brother asked me if I had told Marc about my surgery and was shocked to learn that I hadn't. He implored me to tell him, but I feel my past is completely irrelevant to our relationship today. My brother thinks that I am obligated to confess to Marc, and has even threatened to tell him if I don't.

"Marc loves me very much and would support me no matter what, but I have left my past behind me, and I feel no reason to needlessly disturb our relationship. How can I convince my brother to let this go?"

At A Loss In New York

Dear Abby's response:

Dear At A Loss:

Although you might not think that the fact that you are a transsexual is relevant, it is presumptous to think that you can speak for Marc. He needs to know that whole truth and to keep it from him could constitute fraud. You did not mention whether he is planning on having children with you, and loving him as you do, you need to be fair to him.

A marriage that is based on a lie is no marriage at all. It would always hang over you and surely there are many others besides your brother who know about your sex change. My advice is to tell Marc everything before someone else does. Your future with him could depend upon his hearing the news from you---and nobody else.


I can only say in this wild and crazy freewheeling world of relative truth, complete with the kind of gender confusion and options many of us could never have imagined growing up, there's a new question one should keep in mind when inquiring about one's new "beloved's" history besides, Where did you grow up?:

Have your always been the woman/man you are today? Quite literally.

I simply cannot imagine having this problem; however, I suppose it's a space-age, high-tech quandry some people do and will face even more in the future.

Ugh. I'm simply at a loss for words. I know I'm starting to sound like both my grandmothers, but I'm glad I won't be alive when all the chickens come home to roost in this anything goes world we live in.

The end must be near.

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